Wedding: An arduous ordeal

Shocked and amazed by the Pakistani culture, not once but very often. I am left to contemplate and question our norms and values. Once such fancy occasion which leaves me awe-struck is a traditional Pakistani “wedding”.

Weddings in the Indian sub-continent have been of utmost significance. Not only as they give a structure to the society, they open a door to an entirely new universe in a person’s life. But, at what cost?


A wedding or a marriage ceremony is held to solemnize a marriage contract between two individuals, the husband and the wife respectively. In this society, two families, two entities, clans and tribes join and are related to one another miraculously. Therefore, how does an event which solely consists of signing a marriage contract become such a lavish financial ordeal?

Well, the answer is simple: culture. As a society we have grown a staunch liking for superfluous acquisitive desires and a flamboyant wedding party is just an example of that.

Parents start filling up their bank accounts, purchase prize bonds and other investments even before their child utters a word. With millions and millions being spent like continuously flowing water on this mega event.

The pre-wedding preparations start from the very day the couple gets engaged. From the venue to the wedding jora (dress), your dad’s heart bleeds to death. The red-colored wedding dress, which the bride will wear only once during her lifetime on the ‘big day’ costs no less than a whooping Rs 100,000/- minimum. Another Rs 50,000/- to Rs 80,000/- are spent on dresses for ‘mayo’, ‘dholki’ and mehndi. But, what for??
The men are not too far behind in the league. A sherwani or a wedding suit for the big event costs no less.

Traditional wedding dress

Then, finally arrives the day your whole family has been desperately waiting for: The wedding day (Barat). The ‘exclusively’ crafted dance floor, the floral decoration and elaborate stage settings all warmly welcome you. (Money talks!)

Your relatives from all across the country pop-up like daffodils (you haven’t most of them and you’ll never will) shower you with words of affection, which let me assure you is mere courtesy. Many of them show up just to enjoy the culinary delicacy.

Ahh… how can I forget the integral part of a wedding? Food! Parents ought to spend a minimum of Rs 1500/- per person just to serve Biryani on the poolside to the well-wishers, who will always find something to whine about. After all, sitting on the foamy chairs is not easy. Is it?

Instead, all this money could be given to the newly-weds who could invest it in a profitable venture for instance, property or even gold for that matter.During weddings, all ‘Islamic’ aspects of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan go down the drain, and we emerge copying ‘Bollywood’ all over. The unnecessary expenses:  the clothes, shoes, bags, venue, car, stage decoration etc pile up to break Dad’s back. Where is the dowry that Hazrat Fatima (A.S) received? Where is the valima that Hazrat Ali (A.S) gave? Where does the religious obligation of giving the “Haq-Mehar” disappear?

Functions like wedding ceremonies reflect the evolution of a society’s culture and values. But, in our state of affairs they primarily reflect the family’s social class and monetary eminence.

Instead of focusing on the perfect wedding ceremony, we should focus on a perfect marriage which produces far better individuals than we are and are those who work for a better tomorrow.